My mom has one brother and one sister. Recently my aunt (my mom's sister) passed away at a very young age. I think of my cousins who are 20, 17 and 14 (my aunt's niece and nephews). They have endured so much over the last year because we all also lost our grandfather. Now, we have lost our aunt.
I am 37....
I got to thinking about the fact that I had so many wonderful years with my grandfather and my aunt (and all of my family), and my 3 younger cousins have only begun to experience what our relatives can offer them as they grow older and journey into the world of young adulthood. My family has been a wonderful force in my life, and I wonder who will guide these children as they go through each milestone. I find myself as a strong impact in their lives, but often wonder if geography is going to make that more difficult as they grow older. I live 2 hours away. Where will they live in the next few years? Will college or their work or mine take them farther away?
My uncle was a lot younger than my parents, and when he and his wife got married, they waited a few years to have children. (Hence the reason for our age differences.) My mom's sister, my aunt, who just passed away, has children my age, but she also has 7 wonderful grandchildren. They have lost their grandparent, a wonderful person in their lives. The oldest is 14, and the youngest is 5. Who will be their guiding force and help them through the milestones? Yes, they still have their parents, but we all know that we have others in our lives that have had positive impact as well. Are parents enough? I think about Mel Levine's book, Ready or Not, Here Life Comes. Some kids are not making it in our world today. They struggle in jobs for many reasons, and one reason is socially related.
I guess I worry the most about all children because I keep thinking of the following things:
- We know that one of the most important things for kids is that they have someone who connects with them and cares about them. Luckily, in my family, all of the kids have wonderful, loving parents, who have the time and take the opportunity to cherish their children. But what about other kids today? Many have parents who work at jobs that don't allow the luxury of lazy Saturday mornings talking and laughing as a family. Many have parents whose stress can be unbearable as they try to provide for their families in an economy that does not support them. Do you remember the days when Mom and Dad needed a babysitter? We all went to Grandma and Grandpa's house! Or our aunt's or uncle's! Now it seems as if it is daycare or a local neighborhood high school student who watches and guides our children. Don't get me wrong. They can be good role models, but do these family "substitutes" offer the connections that we know kids need?
- I also think about our society and the changes that have occurred in the past 20 years. It seems that most of us at childbearing age are waiting a bit longer to have children. My mother still does not have grandchildren, and I wonder that when she does have grandchildren, will the kids get all the experiences that I had as a young child? Besides me (and the father), who will be the other adults that they can depend on or laugh with? My brother who lives 3+ hours away? I worry about these connections for our kids of today. My mom may be around when they are 10, but what about when they are 22 and graduating from college or at age 30 when they finally settle down? What is it that our 21st century kids will need to feel connected?
- Even though adults live longer, it seems that "connections" should not be a burden on my mind. But, our kids are not always getting the "traditional" family experiences. Traditional is being redefined for this generation. Little time off of work, families moving to get jobs, kids' busy social and structured activities - all lead to other ways that our kids don't have the connections they want or need as they progress into adulthood.
- Geography is a huge barrier. Yes, we have cell phones that include us all "in" the free calling spectrum. Yes, we have text messaging and e-mail, but what about those hands-on experiences? What about those hugs and kisses? What about someone to listen to them and hold them as they cry about their latest traumatic adolescent experience?
- Little time off of work for parents to travel on holidays can also be a burden on some of these important connections as well. I know many children who have neighbors closer to them than their relatives.
- Has anyone looked at a child's calendar lately? Where do we find the time for connections with ballet on Mondays and Wednesdays and Little League on Saturday mornings? Don't forget Scouts and karate! Are peer connections enough?
- And what about the elderly? As they age today, the elderly are traveling and enjoying their retirement. They want to see the world, go on cruises with friends and enjoy their retirement to their fullest. ...as they should!
- I know that I am making a huge assumption that the grandparents and other family members are part of children's lives that we don't want them to miss. I am taking the risk! Kids need connections. Our some of these new traditions things that we are willing to accept and accept the risks that may come along with them? Are the technological connections good enough with family? Maybe the kids won't notice the difference! Am I being old-fashioned in my thinking? Can we/should we help them find others who will be good role models for our young adults?
Don't forget to continue to read about the importance of connections in the lives of the young adolescent. Things will be different for them in the coming years, and this video shows the impact that technology will have on their career choices! Social connections won't be our only concern!
